Sunday, 18 March 2012

Number 11

Being a mum...

I have been a mum since I was a toddler. Not in the conventional sense of the word, but emotionally and responsibly. It has always been such a big part of my life, and the only job I ever really wanted to do.

My earliest memories of being a mum were when I was about two or three years old, it was to a plastic baby doll that I would bath. Nothing else really, but I knew it needed to be clean. I wasn't a very 'girlie' girl when I was younger, I was almost a tom-boy of sorts - mainly as my dad had refused for me to have pink clothes or be girlie, it was overalls and helping him in the garage most of the time. He was always dirty, as he was a mechanic, and so my mum was forever washing his clothes -  this meant being clean seemed like the right thing to do with my baby.

My cuddly toys were next. I had hundreds, no exaggeration. Initially they were all named after me (that's what mum's did), so I had at least 50 called Sammy, oddly enough I hate being called that now. They were all loved, cuddled, tucked in and read too. Played with relentlessly and stories made up about them. I loved them all so much that most of them are still sat in the attic at my own mother's house, I simply can't bare to part with them. My mum was my best friend at this age and always encouraged my made up games and imagination as much a possible. It helped to take away from the horrible side of childhood that came from my father - this is another reason I think, that being a mum has always been so prominent and important to me, it's the best part of life- thanks mum!

When I was a little older I remember having our first pet - a gorgeous white rabbit... Sammy :) laughing*. I loved her as well and took on the role of mum again passionately. I helped to clean her out, feed her and of course give her cuddles. It felt so good to be giving my love to something, something that was mine and no one else's. This to me was what it felt like to be a mum.

School brought in a different, but nonetheless more important aspect of being a mum for me. I had many friends as I progressed thorough primary school, but my role in their lives was always the same. I was the peace maker, the one to sort out arguments, the go between, the one to hug if you were sad, the one who would always play with you if no-one else would. I helped with school work, homework, projects, tidying or simply a shoulder to cry on if something was upsetting. I remember dealing, from a young age, with family problems of my friends, with a sympathetic ear and letting them know I was always there no matter the circumstance. To this day I am still friends with most of the children from primary school - many of us are mum's/dad's now and we share a different kind of bond, but I will always have these early memories.

As a child I was always on the move - eight times in all to date (six of those up to the age of 12). This meant that my neighbourhood friends fluctuated a lot. Interestingly however, they were nearly always boy friends - I can hear seven year old me saying 'boys that are friends, not boyfriends!' to my other  little friends in school - I think I was able to 'mother' them more than my female friends The first was my best friend for about seven years, as he happened to live next to us, luckily for me, twice. My mothering instinct came to the fore with him regularly as he seemed to be terribly accident prone - he was very adventurous so was forever falling off bikes, climbing frames, home-made contraptions, as I stood and watched I might add, and breaking bones. This lead to endless school holiday days looking after him, fetching, carrying and keeping him company. These were some of the happiest times of my life as I felt so at ease in this role. 

When we moved for the sixth time,  and as I said goodbye to my best fiend I was happy to see that I was now living by the next two who I was already very close to in school. As we were now twelve we were starting to 'court' the opposite sex so that brought a whole host of new motherly challenges for me. I relished solving their girlfriend woes, fixing their little broken hearts and helping them be 'smooth' with them by telling them how our clever female brains worked. We were so close, this is the first time I felt platonic love for someone other than family, they were like brothers to me. I loved these two more than anything and they made so many happy memories for me. When they felt pain or anguish so did I, when they were happy I shared in it. I wanted to make them smile, ease their pain and be there 24 hours a day. In hindsight now I was much older then my 12 years intellectually which I think also progressed the mother in me. We are all still friends now but alas not as close, I do still however love them both very much.

At 14, I met the love of my life, my husband. I had progressed to secondary school and was still mothering all my friends, quashing their fears and helping wherever I could, but with Rob it was different. He is my first real love. I do have to admit to mothering him too though as he had always lacked that side in his childhood unfortunately. Nevertheless was wonderful even at that age (like me he had turned the negative into positive) but birthdays and Christmas was something that didn't get made a fuss of. Not one year did Father Christmas ever bring him what he wanted, and his birthdays were an excuse for a BBQ with his parents friends, never his. This became my mission, other than showing how much I loved him every possible second of our lives together, I wanted to show him what a mum was supposed to be. So before our children came along I spoilt him, looked after him, loved him, and been there for him. He has never seen me as a mother figure, but I felt like I was able to be both - I could be his girlfriend and then when he needed it, a bit extra.

Mathew, Michael and Morgan are how I really became a mum and finally cemented my role. I was 17 when I had Mathew, and I can honestly say I wasn't too young, I was ready, I was eager and I wanted him so badly as did Rob. As I said earlier I have always been older than my years so I hope you understand that I am not condoning teenage pregnancy, but simply highlighting my experience. I used all my life experience to shape how I am as a mum. I have made it my life's work to make sure they are happy, carefree (to a certain extent), secure, trusting, safe and loved. I believe I have achieved this so far, but I couldn't of done it without any of the above experiences

I have to thank my mum for being the best mum a child could want, Rob for being the most important and wonderful person in my life, my Nanna for being everything I want to be to my children and my children for cementing that I have the best job in the entire world, and I wouldn't change a thing.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you -  men, women, children, elderly, lovely and nasty. You have all helped shape a mother's life, and make her the woman she is, so today I give thanks to you all!!

I hope you have enjoyed this post everyone.

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