Number 31

Hi y'all,
How are you all doing? The weather has been beautiful hasn't it - so warm and summery! Makes me happy, however having hair like the orange sun and skin so sensitive I may burst into flames one of these days are a bit of a hindrance when it cones to outside fun.

Michael had his appointment this week with his new consultant, and I must say from an information point of view it went better than expected. The doctor was very thorough, did all sorts if excersizes and activities with Michael to check his function and mobility. He confirmed the cerebral palsy, and while it isn't degenerative it is affecting Michaels muscles - meaning as he grows he will deteriorate. He said that Michael is disabled (a word that made me very sad), but he did assure us that they were now on top of it and were going to get him all the help he needs. He now needs to see a pediatric neurologist, an occupational therapist, a physio and his consultant every 4-6 months. We explained to mike about his problems, in the basic sense and he now understands that he is poorly and it won't get better.
Having been told that he is challenged (I can't bear the other word) it really hit home that he won't be able to do some things. I think I had kidded myself that he could. I know most boys have dreams of being sportsmen but with Michael his passion for the games he does is incredible. I really thought he could go all the way and play for a professional sport, ie rugby, but unfortunately he now can't. We haven't told him this, and well continue to help him in whatever he does but my heart broke a little when I realized his dream won't cone true. I hope he is able to refocus it when he is older without too much resentment.
The challenges he faces are many, and many different health problems that come along with it. Do you know what causes cerebral palsy? As with a lot of illnesses and diseases there are different factors and scenarios that create different outcomes. In michaels case his problems were caused whilst he was in my tummy. I had three horribly nasty urine infections whilst I was pregnant and unfortunately they caused Michael to have a stroke. He was able to recover and heal whilst still inside but it left him with a permanent weakness on his left side, bladder problems, pain threshold problems and other things too. Now I know it was one of those things, and not my fault but the guilt that is associated with knowing that my infection caused this is crippling some days.

Well I have spoken about his problems in so many of my blogs lately, and I assure you it's not all C.P centric but with the stuff we have been through lately it was nice to be able to vent a little. Thank you xxx

Now back to your regularly scheduled blog posts...

We went to our first cricket training with Michael on friday, it was brilliant! So relaxed and a lovely atmosphere, needless to say he loved it! We had some lovely feedback from his coach too which made us very proud.

We have a very small select family (which is how we like it) and this Saturday we had a 50th birthday party, children invited too, for my uncle in law. This occasion called for a good cake of course so I asked if I could make it and bring it as our pressie. He is an avid Scarlets rugby fan like my husband and so I made a rugby too cake for him. U replaced the sponsors with his name and age but kept the same colored so it still looked right. Thankfully it went down a treat and everyone loved it. The party was brilliant, wonderful company, no drama, great food and a very happy atmosphere. The boys were on their best behavior and enjoyed the festivities as much if not more than us. They met their little baby cousin for the first time and fell head over heels for him-what a cutie he is. We love a good party!

This weekend also saw the Olympic torch coming through our local big town of Haverfordwest. Along with 20,000 others my family and I went and stood to welcome it, patriotically in red white and blue, waving various items and eating far too many ice creams - very British. It was so lovely to see it, loud music, everyone cheering and clapping, the man carrying it looked so happy and proud it brought a tear to my eye (yes I am soppy). The funniest thing for me was once the torch had past, we made to leave and my little Mo asked shy hadn't the torch gone past... Bless him I think he was expecting a flashlight torch!! We explained but he did seem very confused! :D

Over the coming weeks we have quite a few events coming up, both family and just robs and I, which we are really looking forward to. Birthday parties, bbq's, wedding reception, drinks out, picnics, talent competition and beach days. I can't wait for all of it!

I am blogging to you in the car today, sat outside my husbands work with the music a little louder than perhaps it should be, waiting for my huh and kiss.
He's just arrived so I'll sign off now but rest assured I'll be back soon.

Oh and make sure you wear suncream!
Xxx

Number 28

Today I come to you from a sad and unhappy place.

I have talked lots about being a mum, about positivity, and I always try to keep a smile on my face but some days it's just too hard.

Michael my beautiful middle son is poorly, he has cerebral palsy, which I have told you all before. He appears to be deteriorating at the moment though, quicker than I have ever seen. His left side is weak, and his left leg is in constant pain.

He tries so hard everyday to keep moving despite the pain, he plays rugby, runs and swims every week. We know that we have to keep him active so that he doesn't loose the use of his limbs. That thought kills me.

Yesterday he had his swimming lesson as usual but was less keen to join in, he struggled to get out of the pool - he would normally pull himself up on the side but he couldn't do it, he had to use the ladders and that's not like him.

After rugby the last few weeks he is so tired once he's finished, it's as if he gives everything he has to join in, then as soon as the whistle goes he slumps and hobbles off the field.

He wants to start cricket this week, which is wonderful, and I will take him, but I just know that he will be in pain again afterwards which makes my heart hurt.

He is so strong and smiley, he seldom complains and is so helpful to everyone. All his friends in school love him, he's the joker in his class and keeps everyone including his teacher smiling.

You know when parents say that they don't mins what their unborn little ones are like, as long as they are healthy? Well strike that, as long as they are happy it will see you through the tough times, their smiles are worth all the money in the world!

Even though everyday sends a new load of challenges you have to keep going, easier said than done some days, but check out your little ones smile and you'll be able to find the strength I'm sure!

Frustratingly, we have had to change consultants which feels like having fought for three years to get a diagnosis we have gone back to the beginning, and this is not helped by the fact that I can't get in touch with this new doctor and his secretary won't call me back! I am also super nervous as the last appointment we has with the orthopedic pediatric consultant who was very unhelpful - he asked Michael to walk in a straight line, which he did as he can force his leg to walk straight, so instead of seeing his natural walk he saw that, and then said that there is nothing wrong with him! Argh!!

Anyway I will leave you now and go and give my boy a big hug and play zombies with him for a bit :) sure to cheer me up and will definitely keep that gorgeous smile on his face!!

xxx