Number 21

CRIKEY!!

First off I need to apologise for not writing for ages - I have many excuses, but the main one I think is that I have been avoiding admitting the truth to you, and have hid the embarrassing fact that I have once again put weight on. Since eater weekend I have been on a downward spiral of being an eating machine and slowly but surely putting the weight back on. I have so far added 3lbs back, and for some reason feel so unfocussed. I feel bloated, down, fed up and yet I still eat too much and things I'm not supposed to. Where did my determination go? I buy good healthy shopping every week and yet I end up going to or sending robs to the local shop to buy rubbish in the week. Not only is it playing havoc with our weight but our budget is taking a knocking too - feeding my sweet habit is proving to be costly.

I hope to be back on it soon, and for the determination to return.

I haven't done anything terribly exciting since we last linked up, but I am pleased to say that the house is finally spick and span once again - I even tidied under the stairs! Hehe. It is so much more relaxing to come home to, and I know Rob is feeling the benefit - he loves a tidy house, luckily however he never pressures me to do it.

This evening Robs and I are having a night without the boys (yes on a school night) and are off to the cinema to watch Marvel Avengers Assemble in Carmarthen Apollo cinema. I am so excited to see it (the comic book geek in me is also thrilled). Robs and I are both sort of geeks, in that we love comic book films and rewrites - The Big Bang Theory (Sheldon is the greatest), we both love to read sci-fi books and enjoy action figures - yes I did just admit to that. What more from a film could we want - set in America my favourite place on the planet - it has Iron Man, Thor and his evil brother, Hulk and Captain America to name but a few. One of my favourite things to do is spot the Stan Lee cameo in films too - so I will be eagerly watching and then pointing with a big smile on my silly geeky face!

This weekend is when my best friend Elin and I are off to Cardiff - I have filled you in on most of the details previously, but rest assured I will write an epic blog when we return telling you all about it, well maybe not all of it... I may leave out any messy bits...

Do any of you play Hidden Chronicles on Facebook? I do... I am addicted... I will be the best!

This segway's me nicely to my next topic - addiction - did you guess? I have an addictive personality. 'Whatever' I hear you all say, but I want to share it with you as it troubles me every single day. Don't panic though as I am not addicted to anything serious - I have never done drugs of any kind, I drink alcohol once every six months or so (but it doesn't really agree with my tablets) and I don't smoke. I was 16 when I tried it, I smoked 2/3 cigarettes and felt cool in front of my friends, especially as they were surprised I wasn't a coughing mess as it was my first time, then the following day I wanted another, stole one from my mother in law's stash, had one puff and it was so gross I have never touched them again! So, how do I have an addictive personality... 

I am addicted to several things - not in a bad way I don't think, but I'll let you make up your own minds about that. I am addicted to the internet. I am on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Pinterest, Spotify and Blogger. I have three different e-mail address' that I frequent, and many sites I visit daily. I am obsessed with looking up cakes/biscuits/sweet treat sites regularly, and I am always streaming TV shows off TV Duck, Watch TV Sitcoms and Megavideo. A lot of the time I have no real need to be on any of these sites, but for some reason I have to check in, see what's going on, what new developments there have been, what new blog posts I should be reading, and how many pins people have liked. 

I am also addicted to TV. I have it on all day - I don't watch it all day but it's always on - I go to sleep with a DVD every night, and I feel at ease when there is no background noise in the house. If I find a show that I love I have to see all of it as soon as humanly possible, which then leads me back to the internet again and streaming it (why does America have everything before us?).

I am addicted to food... every single food that enters my mouth evokes some sort of emotion, if it's healthy and I'm feeling down already that I resent it. If I am eating chocolate I feel at peace and calm, then guilty as soon as I have finished it. If I snack in the day I feel naughty. I lie about food sometimes, and then end up coming clean to Robs later that evening about how much I have eaten, or 'stolen' (yes that's what it feels like) from the cupboards and fridge. Oh dear, I am nuts!

Back to the alcohol... I am not an alcoholic, however every single drop of alcohol that passes my lips is scrutinised to make sure I'm not enjoying it to much. Why? Well my father was an alcoholic, and unfortunately was never really sober for long, so my relationship with it has always been shaky. I like a drink, but I panic when I do. I have never once felt like I had t have one which is brilliant but I am always on the look out for any signs that I am heading that way. I even get nervous when robs drinks, bless him, he drinks once a month maybe, after a hard days work. But if he has more than one or two alarm bells go off in my head. He definitely hasn't got a problem but it doesn't stop me panicking.

My dad also had an addictive personality so I'm assuming it's hereditary. He was addicted to the above as mentioned ad also cigarettes and hobbies. He would go through hobbies around once a year - land yachting, windsurfing, knitting, sewing, computer games, and then back around again. So I can blame him for it... hehe. Especially as he is no longer here to argue that I am simply crackers and it's not his fault!

Well I will leave you to ponder my craziness, but know that if you are suffering with any of the above or know someone who is, your not alone! 

I will be back tomorrow to tell you about the film and it's awesomeness.

Lot's of love

xx